They say excess of everything is bad. Can the same logic be applied to parenting as well?
Yes. Parenting is a tricky business where one needs to avoid hyper parenting/over parenting.
Believe it or not, being too involved in your children’s life can actually hamper their development and adaptability.
It’s only natural to be there for your child (all the time) and want the best for them no matter what. But sometime parents’ interest can go too far.
Parents need to draw a line between healthy parenting and hyper parenting. Hyper parenting, also referred to as over-indulgence or permissive parenting, happens when the child’s emotions are taken care of, but at the expense of his/her wellness.
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Explains Dr S Yamuna, “For example, when parents give their child a packet of chips just because he/she has not eaten since morning, they are actually over-indulging their child. This kind of parenting leads to children who develop no trust in parents as they feel parents do not think about consequences, but are only worried about keeping me happy!”
What life lessons do parents teach their kids when they themselves break all rules and seem confused about what is caring and what is over-indulgence?
“Kids don’t think highly of such parents. In hindsight, they think their parents make mistakes and they can’t depend on them,” warns Dr Yamuna.
Often a hyper parent will interfere in all matters, over-schedule their child in extracurricular activities, be over-involved in their social and academic lives, and not give them the space to develop on their own.
Caution: you’re only doing more harm than good by being over-sensitive and extra-caring.
How does hyper parenting affect kids?
- It affects parent-child relationship negatively.
- Parents trying too hard can actually hamper a child’s success and development.
- Hyper parenting can have a negative effect on how kids learn and develop.
- Kids who are constantly over-indulged by parents may lack social skills and appropriate behaviour.
- Kids who are pushed too hard or never left alone to make their own choices and mistakes are under too much pressure to perform as per their parents expectations.
- Kids see their parents as overbearing and overprotective.
- Hyper parenting may eventually cause a child to resent his/her parents.
- Grown up kids may feel suffocated and frustrated if parents try to be their constant companion and mar their freedom.
Here are 5 ways that tell you how to not fall in the trap of hyper parenting:
1) Your kids need space too!
Children need loving parents, but they also need a room to grow into individuals. They need to learn who they are and develop their own likes and dislikes. Every child is unique. Parents can help mould their future but give them freedom to be themselves.
Provide your kids means and utilities to what they enjoy rather than dictating your terms and binding them in a minute-by-minute timetable.
Once in a while, set them free. It’s okay if they kill time, get dirty, make big noise, or just laze around. Give them the freedom they need. Let them be.
2) Let kids take risk and responsibilities
A few years back, my son’s teacher asked a group of parents, “What is it that a child gets from his/her father that mothers may not provide?” The answer is risk-taking ability. Most parents are over-protective and would say “No” to a child wanting to climb a tree.
Ever thought how your child will feel when you say, “Okay, try a few steps, I’m there to hold you!” This shows how you can be a caring and supportive parent at the same time. Let children take small risks and enrich their experiences. How about allowing your child to take the elevator alone next time?
3) Let your children learn from their mistakes
Overprotective parents never let their children make mistakes and ponder. Let your little ones do something on their own and learn from their mistakes.
Give them a chance to do something new or do something the way they want. After all, for how long can you be with them at every step?
Let them take charge once in a while. So if your child thinks mixing blue and red will make orange, let him/her try and see what the result is!
4) Know when to step back
As a parent who wants the best for their kids, it’s not easy to decide when to step back. So if your toddler insists you stay out of his/her play time, oblige!
Keep an eye or take anyone else’s help to keep you posted rather than micro-managing your child’s actions and wishes. So, your teenager kid doesn’t want to be friends with you on i? Now you know why!
5) Don’t dictate or over-supervise
Is it you who decides what and how much your child eats, what he/she wears, which pocket he/she puts the handkerchief, or which corner of the park he/she plays every single day? Take a break from over-parenting and don’t rob your children from the little joys of picking things for themselves!
Give them options and help them decide. Still feel they should go with the option you choose? Try telling them what’s your pick and ask if they agree. And when your kids say they can finish their bath or homework on their own, they actually mean to tell you that your expert supervision is not required.
Respect your kids’ wish and make the most of your newly discovered free time! Yeah?
Do you think parents today are more aware and end up hyper parenting their kids? Share your views in the ‘Comments’ section below.
90% of a child’s permanent foundation for brain development occurs in the early years according to Rauch Foundation. An overuse of gadgets can only stunt this growth and cause a negative impact on the child’s overall development.
If your child is spending more time swiping and scrolling, instead of interaction with the real world, you need to act before it’s too late.
Find out if your child is being meaningfully and positively engaged by taking this simple quiz.